Secrets Are Lies

My best kept secrets until now...

-If you want more followers on instagram, be more fun.

-Before bed, lather your lips with Vaseline, you will wake up to the worlds softest lips, and a very stained pillow case.

-I don't condone tanning, but if you do, wear your Crest White Strips in the tanning bed and open wide...you will leave with a bronze glow and a Zoom! whitening treatment (at a fraction of the cost).

-If you wear those "slouchy beanies" (like me) safety pin a "no show" sock in the inside tip to weigh down the beanie to avoid looking like a land gnome.

-Resole all your boots right away.  Most designer shoes have a wood sole, which means once they get wet, they rot and destroy.  Get a 30 dollar rubber sole on the bottom to extend the wear of your shoes!

-ROTO eye drops are a essential.  When your eyes aren't looking or feeling so fresh, these will whiten and brighten you right up. 

-Preparation H does get rid of puffiness around your eyes, it's also extremely embarrassing to purchase. 

-If you are bad at saving money, just spend it.  Also if you are unsure about a purchase, buy at Nordstrom... you can return it years later.

-a.)  If you are "over" someone, block them and erase them from your phone.  If you're like me, those people are the first ones I call/text when I'm drunk... avoid the embarrassment.
b.)  For those people who you aren't quite "over",  but want to be "over"...every time they text you, reply with "SERVICE ERROR 409: MSG: You have used 100% of MBs of your wireless device and your data and service has been suspended."  It will drive them crazy not knowing if their message was sent or not (take back that power!)

-Don't forget your vitamins/Supplements.  I take about 57 daily... Fish Oil, Cod Oil, Vitamin C, B12, Folic Acid, Vitamin D, Vitamin A, Thiamin, Biotin, Vitamin D, Calcium...to name a few.  I also eat low carb, so every few months I take colon cleanse pills to remove build up ;)  (T.M.I.)

-Treating yourself is necessary.  However, I splurge smart.  I will buy designer items that I wear daily i.e. jackets, shoes, bags, jewelry etc.  For everything else I will buy fast-fashion like Zara or Topshop to fill the gaps; and it helps make my wardrobe a little more trendy, with the designer classic pieces.

-In the shower, after I soap off, I put conditioner all over my body.  My massage therapist said my skin was "baby-like", and that's why!  It's like a leave on moisturizer.  I have been doing this for years.  Lately I have noticed that some companies now have "shower lotion" ...which they appear to be stealing my thunder.  But I am the O.G. in that department.

-I invest a lot of money into socks and underwear.  The start of every day, I put on socks and underwear.  You will not have a good day if that day starts with putting on holey-mis-matched socks and stretched-out undies... Just sayin'

-Be nice.  Your reputation is harder to clean than your [D.U.I.] record.

-"Just For Men, Beard Touch Up" works on your eyelashes and eyebrows.  I am not the Surgeon General, but I've been doing it for years and not blind, yet.

-Please have manners.  People remember that shit.  Thank you