I am jealous of myself...  I wish my life was as good as it appearson Instagram.

I think the biggest misconception of me, is that I am a know-it-all.  As Bethenny Frankle would say, "Maybe I actually know-it-all!"

"RED!" is the safe word in Fifty Shades of Grey... I wish it was socially acceptable for me to scream "RED" in my day-to-day life

If everyone threw their dirty laundry in the middle of the room, how many of us would grab our own.

I went out in Hollywood last night.  I had no idea body-con dresses were still a thing? 

Honestly in LA, does anyone work?  I mean,  besides me?

Life is tough; wear a helmet.  When I can't find a helmet to match my outfit outfit, I say "fuck it" and wear a whole floral [matching] look.

"You just think lovely wonderful thoughts," Peter explained, "and they lift you up in the air." 

Let me prefix by saying: If you google-searched "eatass69" and got directed to this blog, you are definitely in the wrong place...

Portis Wasp: 5 Questions With Sektual

My Real Housewife's tag line would be, "I wish you could see yourself in my eyes!  [twirl] ... SEKTUAL"

Happy Fourth of July!  Time flies when your life is falling apart. 

I came for the weather, I stayed because I am still stuck in traffic trying to get out.

Every one that I meet (in person) is shocked at how "nice" I am.  Maybe they get the wrong impression by my sour disposition [on the blog]. 

Actually it's a powerful thing!  It gives me endless self confidence, sensational dance moves, and the voice of an angel...Well, in my head. 

Don't go to college.  If you are looking to throw away thousands of dollars buy a nice car... in LA that's way more impressive than a diploma.

Let me start by saying if you haven't watched Hulu's Handmaid's Tale...

I don't think drugs are the problem; I think people are the problem. 

Swimsuit season is here, and unfortunately for my body, I have completely lost all self-control.  Summer is around the corner, but so is Panda Express.

This stomach flu hit me like a shit ton of bricks...Literally.

From their stories, it sounded like these were "those girls" who got shitty after one Mike's Hard Lemonade and made out with their girlfriends for attention.

Some people ride the crazy train, I drive the motherfucker. 

I am feeling very defeated.  As cool, and as much street cred as I would love to think I have, inside, I am a pussy.

This blog is my baby.  Let's face it, I am too irresponsible and selfish to have a real baby. 

I have been collecting vintage t-shirts since before it was "cool" to wear vintage shirts. 

Everyday is Christmas when you have no self control.

Accepting FRIEND applications.  Apply within.

Hoes have feelings too.  Maybe these hoes are spreading their legs to spread love.

I have always been a little (lot) different.  Let me paint you a picture; Minnesota, 2003, Honors English class (always was a bright star).