Just own your shit. Literally.

Have you heard the term “ripped a new asshole?”

Why is alcohol the only thing that makes me feel happy?

Don't come for me unless I send for you!

I am a sloppy mess, and I am doing the best I can with that.

…As Kristin Cavallari would say, "The bitch is back".

#parenting

Remain humble, but let those MF-ers know.

Just be yourself, that annoyingly-awful-delusional piece of shit self. 

Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud.    

Oink Oink

I hate when homeless people ask if I have spare change. 

I'm getting tired of looking at everyone.

Watch your mouth …and your back.

It’s #NationalPuppyDay, I feel it's an appropriate time to introduce to you my little angel, Sophie. 

With the anxiety of my looming birthday, I jumped on a flight to NYC.

If we all want to be equal, we should treat people equally. 

The only geographical undesirable thing about this city is the shitty people living here.  

Whether I am drinking or watching tv, I prefer it in binge!

I sounded like one of those hypocritical vegans.

My life is exactly like Fyre Festival; wildly disappointing and really fucking expensive! 

Read more about Hollywood’s hottest trend: “Victim”

People in LA are so lazy.

Talking male crop tops, Taylor Swift, and frosted tips.

No shitty friends in 2019!

It’s my last chance to be a bitch in 2018 in hopes of starting 2019 with a clean slate-

You can be the biggest, Christmas tree in the land, and there are still Jewish people who don’t want you.

My favorite past time includes watching Intervention to make myself feel better about my life.

My work/life balance is -100.

Home to an endless array of gas stations, zero stop lights, and ME!