1. Headlight

There are many faux-pas, but here is my list of L.A. -"NO-NO's"

  •  10.  Don't think that you are a "10."  There will always be someone younger, cuter, and more successful than you.  Lets face it, you are probably only a "7" anyways, delusional.
  • 9.  Guys-- throw away the boot cut jeans.  I know you would think this is a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised how many guys I see outside of clubs in boot cut flares (you are outside the clubs because the promoters won't let you in; cause your jeans are fugly.) 
  • 8.  Girls-- leggins are only appropriate attire if you are hiking Runyon, going to Pilates, or taking out the trash.  -Otherwise you are trash.
  • 7.  Never go to The Grove or Disneyland on a weekend, or on a holiday...or actually ever at all...  It's a sea of strollers and tourists who don't know how to walk.  -"Move it along Helen Keller!"
  • 6.  Nobody cares if you are an actor.  So when you are at a busy restaurant, talking so loud (so everyone can hear) about your call-back... Nobody cares!  There are working people in the industry trying to enjoy their food too... so shut up. 
  • 5.  Contrary to what meatheads in L.A. think, just because you have muscles and a nice car doesn't make you "the man".  Everyone thinks you are on steroids and overcompensating (the shrinkage it caused to your nuts) with that expensive muscle car...and everyone thinks you are pathetic.
  • 4.  Don't ever ride those Los Angeles tour buses... It's just really embarrassing for all involved.
  • 3.  When by the ocean, don't give homeless people or birds food.  The homeless people want cash, and, well, the birds probably do too.
  • 2.  Don't invite me to valley unless it's to take me to the airport or to go to Ikea, I have a reputation to uphold.
  • 1. Headlight.  My look is brought to you by The Wallflowers.  So underrated!  Don't drive in L.A. with one headlight (you will get a ticket) but listen to "One Headlight."  ..and "5th Avenue Heartbreak".