Do you have to be a douche bag to be a personal trainer? Or is that just an added bonus ... -Like being over-qualified for a job and having a college degree? There are so many juxtapositions in the world! Lets start from the beginning... Obviously I am doing something wrong at the gym. I workout 5 days a week and yet I still have the body of Sponge Bob Square Pants. My stomach is a bottomless pit. I love Panda Express, and a super-sized combo, but I can't seem to stomach those veiny, grunting, chest bumping invalids a.k.a. "personal trainers"! I am convinced they all have a touch of the downs (to only be able to count to 15... 3 times... and call it a rep? Honestly, can't they just count to 45?) -And why are they all so greasy... I feel like I would definitely catch an STD simply getting spotted by them, and I am too old to catch a disease this late in life. I will just have to embrace my muffin top!
Moving on, lets talk about JOBS. It's funny to me how people ask for a "home address" on a job application that pays $17 dollars an hour. Bitch, if I'm making $17/hour, my "home address" is going to be "the back alley, next to the dumpster, on the right". I'll be homeless! Who can afford to live on that? I can't even buy a bottle of vodka for $17! Honestly, I don't think I was ever meant to be part of the working class. My skills and talents are endless, but I find it extremely archaic that I have to put my blood, sweat, and tears into a job simply for a paycheck. Isn't that the same as slavery? Just call me Okuntakinte over here, because these bills ain't paying themselves. Luckily, I didn't go to college because I would never be able to pay for those student loans, but my resume says I did. On paper, I graduated from USC... summa cum laude. I mean, I used to go to parties at USC [back in the day] so it's basically the same thing, right? I knew my alcoholism would come in handy! CHEERS!
