I went on Myspace today. I don't know what is more embarrassing, that I was on Myspace, or that I "Googled myself" and it lead me there. Both are atrocities! After the shock of all the horrific images of myself on the internet, I went to my 18 year old self's Myspace and spent an uncomfortable amount of time "there". It was like a Holocaust of my past relationships. Profile pictures of friends I haven't heard from in years, broken friendships, ex co-workers... In 2004, if you were on my top 20 that meant we were going to be BFF life! -Unfortunately, with time people grow and change. As much as I like to think I've grown as a person, I found a piece of writing I wrote nearly 15 years ago that was a testimonial artifact reassuring that after all I've been through and all life's experiences, I've stayed true to myself.
"i fear i will wake up 45, alone, and full of regret. that life flew by and my mind was the only thing in my way of doing great things. you dont know what you are capable of until you live your dreams and dream of more. im not living if im regretting
i laugh loud and lots and usually for no reason. i love country music, classic rock and low carb lemon cheesecake bars. i love the smell of chlorine and the feel of summer...i hate being underestimated. i enjoy things that bring me back to my childhood. i am not a huffer but i love the smell of gasoline and white board markers.
i live for diet cherry pepsi. awkward silence makes me very nervous...i over think and over analysize everything. i like going to the gym and running on the beach. i get excited easily, and get let down a lot. i hate rude people. i am the least patient person in north america. i love when a song, a smell, a feeling brings back a missed memory! "left overs" gross me out. i get attached easily. tropical twist trident is my thing.
i love deep conversation while driving. i hate waiting for phone calls. i tan too much. i like the little things in life. i trust people i shouldn't, i like taking pictures. i am creative when i want to be. and bland when i am uninterested or uninspired. clutter annoys me."
Besides my phase of un-capitalization, It all rings pretty true.... except the tanning part. I wish I could go back and tell mini me to stay out of the sun! Life would be a lot less expensive [as an adult] without all the anti-aging serums I am succumb to abuse to restore my leather skin.
While I was immersed in memories, it made my heart happy to see old pictures of friends I still love so much today! (See Below). We've come a long way :)