Waste Case Scenerio

As you already know, I have the worst luck in North America!  I have been really stressed out lately, so when I got a weekend off work, I am definitely going out for some drinks on a Friday night.  I had a good night... Saturday morning rolls around, and my internal clock naturally wakes me up at 8:30 a.m.  Feeling shockingly fresh (probably still drunk), and wondering what to do with my rare weekend off, my basic-bitch self thought... "Runyon!"  If you are not familiar with the greater Los Angeles area, Runyon Canyon is a hiking trail that is the place "to be and be seen".  ...And is a real fuckin' scene.  It's not uncommon to see a full face of make up or a fresh blow out for the workout.  Once I saw a girl walking in platform sneakers... it's so extra!  I live walking distance to the trail so I headed out for some fresh air!  I felt pretty good until I got half way up...  my hangover suddenly kicked-in ...in full effect!  I begin to regret my late night decision to gorge on greasy Mexican food!  I tried to climb and clench but I was struggling!  Side note: there are NO bathrooms on the trail.  I was dripping in a moist-mixture of vodka and stress [sweats]... but the alternative mess would be much more humiliating.  It was "go" time and I had to do a Sophie's choice... I either had to drop a deuce in a bush or in your pants.  Naturally my eyes welled up with tears as both would be major social suicide.  Hearing stories of how mother's can move a vehicle to save their child with adrenaline, rushed through my head ... And I pushed my cheeks together and power-walked.... I walked until I got cell reception, and called a Lyft [to pick me up...]. Since I live so close, I was praying I could have the driver take me home, but when a turtle's head pops out of it's shell, it doesn't go back in.  I got dropped off at Ralph's (a grocery store) and destroyed their bathroom... Needless to say, I will not be showing face there anytime in the near future.