I am feeling very defeated. As cool, and as much street cred as I would love to think I have, inside, I am a pussy. I put myself out there... Heart on my sleeve. For people I care about, I put their feelings above my own. It's emotionally overwhelming when you realize you are giving everything and it's not reciprocated. It's a struggle for me not to pick apart myself, looking for reasons why the feeling isn't mutual... When I should simply have the confidence to move on. I know I am a catch. I have a lot to offer...but the mind is a crazy thing. I sat down and instead of thinking about all my flaws, I started writing things that make me happy... in attempt to clear my mind
"In-N-Out, Deep conversations while driving, vacations, Evian water, the sound of New York, smiles, 80's Land Rovers, a perfect biker jacket, nervous giggles, late night walks, The Griddle pancakes, payday, a good tan, riding bikes, Starbucks, vintage Harley tees, a cold diet coke, proving a point, flea markets, men's fashion magazines, rainy days in LA, UPS packages, dipping pizza in ranch, Bedford Ave, kid's drawings, Dad's dry sense of humor, palm trees, vodka night chats, Chateau Marmont, swinging on swing-sets, holes in jeans, Minnesota State Fair, candles, Tyra's kisses, a clean apartment, memories, hearing my favorite song on the radio, Peter Pan, Quest bars, text messages from "that person", Saint Laurent shoes, eyebrows, Apple Music's "Friday New Music Mix", succulents, feeling inspired, Le Labo Santal 33, Sunset Blvd, slow sad love songs, verbal diarrhea, Palm Springs, getting ready to go out, My Sweet Lord, new tattoos, classic rock music, movie dates with Mom, giving presents, raw hems, hand written letters, dogs, Shell Silverstein poems, a full tank of gas, turquoise, feeling care-free, long runs, Friends re-runs, photography, uncontrollable laughter, Rain Vodka, hearing stories, the day Tom and I walked around NY talking in baby voices, being alone, the original Nintendo, a good sneeze, G wagons, being understood, naps, decorative pillows, sunsets, James Dean, exposed brick walls, tonal color pallets, Panda Express, days off, 30, Muscle Maker Grill, fall, costume parties, Eagles-Desperado, learning, oversized t-shirts, diastemas, day drinking, freshly washed bedding... AND ME!
If you don't love yourself, you will always be chasing people who don't love you either.