Airplane Etiquette 101

School is starting in a few weeks, but grab your pen and paper because right now, class is in session.  I forwent college to pursue a modeling I clearly have the qualifications and knowledge.  That wasn't a joke; I don't have student loans, instead, I have a savings account... Who's laughing now...  Now that I've gained your trust:

Today's lesson is Airplane Etiquette 101.  NEVER bring "home-made" food on a plane.  It's not the time nor the place.  I don't know if its my luck or people's stupidity, but the people who sit next to me [with tupperwear in their bag] always have the messiest, smelliest food.  I'd rather you bring a bomb on the plane, than to sit next to me with that tuna salad and garlic toast.  Which directly correlates to my second point...  If you are going to eat something to upset your stomach before a flight, take some over-the-counter meds to counteract that shit (no pun intended).  I was recently on a flight, and the peasant sitting next to me kept dropping bombs.  Silent but deadly.  I knew exactly who it was, I have been to P.F. Cheng's enough times to know what a orange chicken / lo mein bowel bomb smells like.  Not impressed.  Nothing says traveling in luxury more than being suffocated in a dutch oven, for 3 hours and 27 minutes, with my seat-belt fastened.  To sum everything up...  When out in public, don't act like a feral animal and don't smoke.  -And for fuck-sake, there is no reason you should have 4 carry-on bags to go through security, if you can't afford to check your bags, take a greyhound... you are holding everyone up!