You In Danger, Girl

There is danger around every corner!  As much as I love NYC, I can’t help but constantly feel like I am under attack…That I am going to fall victim of a Final Destination sequal.  I am a klutz, and have the worst luck in North America; That mixed with the over-population of the city is a recipe for disaster.  Simply walking down the sidewalks can be a fatal situation.  Uneven sidewalks, metal subway stairs, and high blood alcohol levels have caused me to “Bambi” more times than I feel comfortably admitting.  Although the scars on my knees are hardly a “close-call” to death, having a random stranger ask if I am “OK” (and seeing all the people that witnessed me eat shit) may as well be social-suicide.  Then, there are the feral pigeons…  They are basically flying rats; they are filthy and disgusting.  The people that feed them, have a special place waiting for them in hell.  These birds will kamikaze at your head, simply to snatch a bagel crumb.  Being terrified of birds, those close calls have caused me near fatalities!  Lastly, and most terrifying, is the weather.  It will literally be 75 degrees, with clear blue skies, and in an instant, will start to downpour.  The people of NY are horribly unaware of my personal-space, but are very weather acclimated; and out come the umbrellas.  I’ve had many traumatic close-calls walking down the sidewalk, being eye level to the metal corners of everyone’s umbrellas, nearly getting my eyes jabbed out.  The wet sidewalks have the city transformed into the Rockefeller Center’s ice-skating rink.  Wiping out on a wet/dirty sidewalk, is a scabies situation waiting to happen.  When the rain stops, people are back on-the-go, zooming through the sidewalks; umbrellas in hand.  Those umbrellas become walking light-sabers.  Arms swinging, paired with busy streets, is just asking to get an umbrella to the nuts [OUCH].  As Whoopi Goldberg said in Ghost, "You in danger, girl!"  Be careful out there!