V. Popular

 Back by popular demand, it's time for another poem.


I wish I had a six pack and a new Benz or a B'mer, 

Instead I'm a potato with a reputation which could be cleaner.

I want Saint Laurent sneakers and the whole season collection of Gucci,

I get called cuss words cause I'm shy, it's the bad word for cootchie.

I wish I had a house in the 'Bu and a condo in New York City,

but for that you need lots of millions, I would say about fifty.

I want Belle's perfect skin and Kendall's far apart alien eyes,

and when I ran, it would be cute if I didn't start fires with my thighs.

I wish I could travel the world and adapt a whole bunch of new cultures, 

unfortunately I use all my money on drinks fighting off vultures.

I want to go back to my youth and make a few decisions over,

but luckily, 18 year old me, never got that tattoo four-leaf clover.

I wish I had enough self-control to be a full on (silent) vegan, 

and that my mind was as quick-witted and clever as Chrissy Teigan.

I want Diet Coke for breakfast, and doughnuts for dinner, 

did you know as you age your lips continue getting thinner?

I want those nights back when you lived on the university   campus,

drinking sparks, feeling free, what the fuck seemed to happen to us?

I wish global warming would end and we'd have regular seasons,  

I continue to watch but can't get into Netflix's 13 Reasons.

I want an endless amount of money like a whole fucking butt-load,

and that guys would chop their man-buns that look like a chode.

I wish all woman were respected and there was no need for #timeout,  

that men took responsibility for their actions and figured their shit out.

I want world peace for everyone and a complete ban on guns,

as I am reading this through I'm sorry for all the bad puns.