Back by popular demand, it's time for another poem.
I wish I had a six pack and a new Benz or a B'mer,
Instead I'm a potato with a reputation which could be cleaner.
I want Saint Laurent sneakers and the whole season collection of Gucci,
I get called cuss words cause I'm shy, it's the bad word for cootchie.
I wish I had a house in the 'Bu and a condo in New York City,
but for that you need lots of millions, I would say about fifty.
I want Belle's perfect skin and Kendall's far apart alien eyes,
and when I ran, it would be cute if I didn't start fires with my thighs.
I wish I could travel the world and adapt a whole bunch of new cultures,
unfortunately I use all my money on drinks fighting off vultures.
I want to go back to my youth and make a few decisions over,
but luckily, 18 year old me, never got that tattoo four-leaf clover.
I wish I had enough self-control to be a full on (silent) vegan,
and that my mind was as quick-witted and clever as Chrissy Teigan.
I want Diet Coke for breakfast, and doughnuts for dinner,
did you know as you age your lips continue getting thinner?
I want those nights back when you lived on the university campus,
drinking sparks, feeling free, what the fuck seemed to happen to us?
I wish global warming would end and we'd have regular seasons,
I continue to watch but can't get into Netflix's 13 Reasons.
I want an endless amount of money like a whole fucking butt-load,
and that guys would chop their man-buns that look like a chode.
I wish all woman were respected and there was no need for #timeout,
that men took responsibility for their actions and figured their shit out.
I want world peace for everyone and a complete ban on guns,
as I am reading this through I'm sorry for all the bad puns.