Everyone makes fun of my Mary Poppins bag; until they had a rough day, and need a shot of vodka

I love rock and roll, but I think I like Totino's Pizza Rolls more.

I'd rather you bring a bomb on the plane, than to sit next to me with "home-made" food.

I am jealous of myself...  I wish my life was as good as it appearson Instagram.

I think the biggest misconception of me, is that I am a know-it-all.  As Bethenny Frankle would say, "Maybe I actually know-it-all!"

"RED!" is the safe word in Fifty Shades of Grey... I wish it was socially acceptable for me to scream "RED" in my day-to-day life

If everyone threw their dirty laundry in the middle of the room, how many of us would grab our own.

I went out in Hollywood last night.  I had no idea body-con dresses were still a thing? 

Honestly in LA, does anyone work?  I mean,  besides me?

Life is tough; wear a helmet.  When I can't find a helmet to match my outfit outfit, I say "fuck it" and wear a whole floral [matching] look.

"You just think lovely wonderful thoughts," Peter explained, "and they lift you up in the air." 

Let me prefix by saying: If you google-searched "eatass69" and got directed to this blog, you are definitely in the wrong place...